The Onion
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Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
The Onion 1y ago
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Your Insides Look Like Smashed Tomatoes - Dr. Good - Ep. 1
The Onion 7h ago
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David Fincher To Helm YouTube's First Hour-Long Drama Series 'Turtle Has Sex With Shoes'
The Onion 8h ago
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The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137
The Onion 1d ago
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Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.
The Onion 3d ago
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There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop
The Onion 6d ago
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Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive
The Onion 1w ago
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Brad Pitt Decides To Grow Out Forehead Hair
The Onion 1w ago
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Excited Man Only Two Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues
The Onion 1w ago
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Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris
The Onion 2w ago
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Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression
The Onion 2w ago
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VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot
The Onion 3w ago
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Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl
The Onion 3w ago
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Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren't Any Awesome Events This Weekend
The Onion 3w ago
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Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up
The Onion 3w ago
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Jessica Simpson Goes On Nationwide Book Tour To Promote The Novel She Read
The Onion 3w ago
Description
Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.
