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The Sexiest Video on YouTube. The Clam Eater I'm a clam eater, a bottom feeder; I use my tongue more than my Peter. I'm a clam addict, a seafood fanatic; You know my love for shellfish is f**king Titanic. I'm a clam diver, a red tide survivor; I'm so f**king good I could out lick a tiger. Call me The Clam Hunter, The God of Thunder; May Heaven help you once I'm Down Under. All the ladies love me cuz I got skills. I can breathe underwater cuz I got gills. I never come up for air once I plant my face, it's like a scene of out Aliens but below the waist. I can go down on any damn ho, and stay down under longer than the Jacque Cousteau. But I never touched cocaine like Martina Hingis. My drug of choice is cunnilingus. I'm going down to the Raw Bar. Don't have to go far. Just going to drop down, head south; Stick out my tongue and open my mouth. Every guy wants to be like me; pulling all the ladies from the V.I.P. I tell 'em, "you don't need money and you don't need fame, but if you don't eat p**sy, then you got no game." Cuz the girls don't care about the things you got; the Lamborghini or the mega-yacht. Doesn't matter if you take them around the world, cuz there's really only one way to impress a girl. I'd rather be Clam Eater than a Billionaire, cuz nothing else matters if you're lost down there. All the money in the world and you're shit of our luck because if you won't eat then she won't f**k. So no more U-turns*, flybys**, or near misses***; directly on the lips is where you plant your kisses. The gift of eating is Heaven Sent. It ain't foreplay, it's the Main Event. I'm going down to the Raw Bar. Don't have to go far. Just going to drop down, head south; Stick out my tongue and open my mouth. The first time I ever tried clam lapping, the girl that I was eating -- she started shoulder tapping. There was no f**king way I was getting laid, cuz the "tap" is the oral s** equivalent of a failing grade. I came back strong after that disaster; learned the figure eight and I moved my tongue faster. I studied the clam and the Language of Pleasure and that's why today I'm a National Treasure. * U-turn: when someone heads down and then at the last moment heads back up. ** Fly-by: When someone heads down and then at the last moment jumps over the target and continues lower down. *** Near-miss: When someone goes in for a kiss but at the last moment turns their head and barely misses the target. Written by Ryan Harris (c) 2012