in this club

in this club

Joffrey Lauvergne 12 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2016)

7mo ago
SOURCE  

Description

Mike Miller crossed his arms over his chest. "Joffrey, we're sitting here in this club surrounded by pretty ladies, and you're telling me that you just want to sit here and drown yourself in champagne?" Shrugging, Joffrey Lauvergne took another sip of champagne straight from the bottle. A trio of similar bottles, yet empty, adorned the table where they sat. After the bubbly liquid had slid down into his stomach, he answered, "American girls are too complicated. In France, girls have simple intentions and make their intentions clear. There are no games to play." "But you're a basketball player!" Mike exclaimed. "That's the only game you need!" "If it's so easy, how come you haven't even talked to one girl the entire time we've been here?" Mike smiled and started tallying the reasons on his fingers. "First off, I'm married. Second off, I've been giving you relationship coaching for the past hour. Third off, I have this huge plate of mozzarella sticks that deserves my attention more than some woman." He grabbed another of the breaded cheese morsels off the plate and, after covering it wholly in marinara sauce, jammed the whole thing in his mouth. His next words were garbled by melted cheese. "Rest assured that in my younger days, I'd have been in and out of this place in five minutes with a blazing-hot girl on each arm." "It's easy for you, having grown up in this culture of hunter and prey. It's not so easy for a foreigner like me." Joffrey took another swig of champagne, larger this time. His eyes remained glued to the table in front of him. "No homo here, but you also have your looks going for you," Mike pointed out. "Even with that gross-looking beard, you're making everybody else in here look bad. Hey, why don't you try this out? Take one of my mozzarella sticks. Then walk up to a girl with it positioned by your crotch like it's your boner. That would definitely work. Her pants would be off before you even got her into your apartment." Joffrey managed to look up from his internal sorrow. "Honestly, Mike, that's the most juvenile and ridiculous pick-up tactic I've ever heard of." In response, Mike grabbed a mozzarella stick and disappeared. Within a minute, he returned with two stunning blondes pawing at him and giggling. "What did I tell you? I even managed to score one for my bro Joffrey." "You can keep them both," Joffrey said, standing up from the table. "I gotta get going. Anyway, I thought you said you were married?" "Not tonight!" Mike yelled. "Tonight these ladies get a taste of Mike Miller's hot, fresh, and gigantic mozzarella stick!" He took the plate of food and tossed it up in the air, showering nearby patrons with the gooey item. Joffrey shook his head as he walked out the door. "If this is how you attract American women, I want no part of it," he mumbled. All clips property of the NBA. No copyright infringement is intended.