close to my heart

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Check this out: http://luvtheheaven.tumblr.com/post/3500878461 !! ;) And *please* tell me if you read it. ~~~ Please watch the non-pitch-shifted version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSxVQqMfGQ instead if you can, and comment there! Unfortunately, it's blocked in a ton of countries. So I thought uploading this too was necessary. I will be doing this for a bunch of my re-uploaded videos now, all the ones that are blocked in ALL of those countries. Err. Sorry if I'm really bothering you with the repeat re-uploading, I just think it's only fair to my international subscribers. ~~~ This was made for the "Show Your Story" contest a few years ago... Long story short, my mother has: Generalized Anxiety Disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder Dysthymic Disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia Alcohol Abuse http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_abuse A Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder_not_otherwise_specified with Borderline http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder , Dependent http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependent_personality_disorder , Histrionic http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder , and Obsessive Compulsive http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_personality_disorder traits As well as a Global Functioning level of Fifty: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Assessment_of_Functioning So long story-short, she is actually a lot worse in some ways than all of these mothers. And she is a lot different. I grew up with her without having any idea that she had any of these issues. She actually fits "Borderline Personality Disorder" most closely, by the way, but they all do sound at least somewhat right for her. And I might have rated her lower than 50 on the Global Functioning Level scale, reading all that now... then again it has been years since that 1-time diagnosis gotten from one psychiatrist who met with both her and my dad for only like 1 or 2 hours each when the court ordered that they get psychological evaluations before deciding what to do with me and my brother for custody in 2007... I was 17 and he was 15 then. But all of these things do apply to things she's sort of done to me growing up, and ways she's made me feel. And the overall triumphant message of the song makes me happy. I haven't lived with my mom since April 2007. I've currently cut off all contact with her. I do NOT want to have a relationship of any kind with her until she seeks psychiatric help and admits she has a problem (actually a few, see above lol). Right now she refuses to do that so I refuse to forgive her and am avoiding her for my own mental/emotional well-being. I have a WONDERFUL father which is what I tried to show with Marissa saying "I want to live with Dad" and then all the Veronica/Keith stuff. I think my relationship with my dad is more like Veronica/Keith than any other father/daughter relationship I've ever seen on TV. The lack of the mother figure and the closeness/love. XD I also think we're like Rory&Lorelai, my dad & me lol. So don't worry about me, I have 1 amazing parent and you really don't need to feel bad for me. Still this vid was (and is) powerful for me, cathartic, meaningful, emotional, & close to my heart. I hope you all like it. Moments that especially stand out to me at applicable to me & my mom: The VERY beginning with Meredith hiding from her mother and hoping she (Ellis) doesn't see her (Meredith) - that's how I feel now if I have to go to court or something and she's there. I don't ever want to see her but more importantly I don't want her to see me because then she'd emotionally torment me, even if it's just by being "nice" in the moment...there's always an ulterior motive with my mom. 1:15-1:16-ish with Taylor's mom's face - that's SO much like my mom, and she would criticize my clothing like that too. 1:22 "You're my daughter you little bitch" - the screami...